NEW BLOG & ACCOUNT

Hello all, I will no longer be using this account or blog - and as you can probably see, haven't done in some time.

I now have a new blog: shelbsf.blogspot.com    ... and the blog, Thought Bubble.

I have started afresh, and even reveal my true identity (makes me sound like a super hero!) I am no longer hiding behind 'the girl in the corner' and have revealed my real name, Shelby Fuller.

Please take a look at my new blog <3

This is me!

Siblings

Growing up I was one of four children, and now I am one of six. 


In a single parent family - my older brother thought he somehow had to step up to the mark of "man of the house" - basically, he liked to be in charge. My older sister was also quite bossy, and she favoured my younger sister - probably because she was younger and cuter. And I played by myself. 


I shared a room for 17 years of my life, initially with my older sister, then for a short while, with my older sister and younger sister - and then just my little sister. My little sister really does fit the cliché of the "youngest who always gets their own way".  So for near enough the whole time we 'shared' a room - she had the control. control of which TV programmes to watch, who to invite to stay, decorations. And what I hated the most is that originally we had divided the room near enough equally, but slowly throughout the years I was gradually shoved into the corner, with minimal furniture and space. The Girl In The Corner. 


One childhood memory that always sticks in my mind is when my big sister taught my little sister to ride her bike without stabilizers but refused to teach me - so there I was riding along with stabilizers still aiding me on my bike, whilst my younger sister was freely riding all by herself. 


My Mum always used to say growing up that when we grow up and move out we will get closer to each other - But I could never see me and my siblings being close - ever. However - much to my disbelief and astonishment she was right. Although we had always had that underlying family love - The "I can beat up and bully my brother/sister, but if you lay a hand on him/her there will be trouble" kind of love, I never really got on with them. But now as my older brother and sister have moved out and my younger sister and I don't share a bedroom I actually find myself having conversations with them and laughing and joking like were friends. 

Divorce

My mum always wanted four children, and my dad said he did too. However after giving her four children - he changed his mind, and inevitably did the thing that ends most marriages.


"Que sera sera - Whatever will be will be, the futures not ours to see..."


Every cloud has a silver lining, and for each door that closes two open. 


After the divorce my Father moved to Hungary for work - coming back every other weekend to see us. One time when he came back he brought a woman with him. My now step mum. Although my brother and two sisters opted down the cliché root of "evil step mum" I actually get on quite well with her. The only problem that itches the back of my mind is the question: "Is she the woman my dad had an affair with?" but thinking about it, in all honesty - I'd rather not know. An amazing silver lining on the huge black cloud of divorce is that my step-mum gave me a beautiful baby sister and a gorgeous baby brother who I adore. Meaning my Dad now has a total of six children. 


My Mum took longer to meet her match. She was with one man for quite a while, us kids all liked him because he was like a human climbing frame. But the man she is now with, and is engaged to - we love! - No, he does not let us use him as a climbing frame - but that'd be weird seeing as were older now. It seems like they have been together - but seeing as I am only 17 it is practically most of my life. He is a father figure to us all and he brought with him two more silver lining on the cloud of divorce- a step brother and sister, from his previous marriage. His daughter is the same age as me and we get on really well. his son is the same age as my brother (21) and they were best friends in primary school - thus my Mum and Step-dad met. 


Divorce of course is hard at first - for all involved. But as time passes the looming cloud of divorce will shine bright with all of the silver linings that come your way.

Being 15

Everyone has that year or time of their lives when they are especially rebellious, usually

in their teens. Mine was when I was 15.

My step-dad always goes on about how teenagers think they know it all, how teenagers think they’re invincible, and how teenagers don’t know anything about the real world. My step-dad says this from experience, but what I have learnt is that people only learn from their own mistakes.

Unfortunately when you’re 15, you don’t listen.  Unfortunately you have to make your own mistakes before you learn and wish you had listened. Unfortunately you do think you know it all and you don’t know anything about the real world. Unfortunately when it does hit you, it hits you hard. Unfortunately my step dad was right and I never listened.

I had always been ‘the good girl’ and ‘the quite one’ but that all changed when I was about 14 ½. I started hanging around with some friends from school, outside of school. I went to an all girls school so when there were boys there I thought it was cool and exciting, because it was new. We would meet daily at a local park and just hang out. All of the girls were 14/15 but the boys were 17/18. I thought nothing of it, but my mum warned “boys that age are only after one thing” – I didn’t believe her. I was young and naïve and inevitably easily led.

I soon became smitten with one of the boys in the group, and that was where my downfall began. We became a couple two months before my birthday. When I was 15, he was 18, technically an adult whilst I was a minor – I thought nothing of it though. I felt so mature, being in a relationship with an older guy, but I wasn’t I was just a kid.

Whenever my mum expressed her concerns I just got annoyed thinking everyone was against me. They just cared, I know that now. I began seeing him every day, I began to barely see my friends and family. My world became him and us and our ‘love’ was all that mattered.

It is true what they say that love is blind because when I was with him, when I was in love with him; I thought he was the image of perfection, how wrong was I!?! When that love had gone and it was over, I saw clearly for the first time in a very long time. I saw how possessive and controlling he had been; I noticed all his snide remarks and saw all his wrongs. I saw for the first time how stupid I was, I saw why my mum was concerned.

I am now 17 and mature enough to realise my mistakes and my stupidity. When I look back at being 15, I look back in regret. I regret not listening to my mums concerns and my step-dads wisdom. I regret neglecting my schoolwork and not achieving my best. I regret the friends I lost and the way I treated them. Most of all I regret the way I let him treat me, and how stupid I was.

The problem that I now face is that my younger sister is now 15. I feel like I am watching a more stubborn and resentful version of myself making the same mistakes that I did. She is completely smitten on a guy that she has been with for about a month. She is seeing him every single day and neglecting her friends, and especially her best friend – Something I did myself and something which I deeply regret. He is now her world and all that matters to her. I don’t want her to get hurt and I hate seeing the way she ignores everything that me and my mum say to her but I know from experience, that it is experience that will teach her the lessons that she will refuse to learn from us, her family.

Life is a lesson, and experience is the teacher. 

Perfection

What is perfection?


I typed the word 'perfect' into an online dictionary, and there were so many definitions for that one simple word, but does anybody really know what it is? Does the state of perfection even exist?


Below is a list of the first 10 definitions according to this website:
( http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Perfect )

1.

conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type: a perfect sphere; a perfect gentleman.

2.

excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement: There is no perfect legal code. The proportionsof this temple are almost perfect.

3.

exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certainpurpose: a perfect actor to play Mr. Micawber; a perfectsaw for cutting out keyholes.

4.

entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings: a perfect apple; the perfect crime.

5.

accurate, exact, or correct in every detail: a perfect copy.

6.

thorough; complete; utter: perfect strangers.

7.

pure or unmixed: perfect yellow.

8.

unqualified; absolute: He has perfect control over his followers.

9.

expert; accomplished; proficient.

10.

unmitigated; out-and-out; of an extreme degree: He made aperfect fool of himself.

Now I relate my subject to reality. To people. In films, romantic ones - the protagonists always find their 'perfect' match ... but is there such a thing? 

I know and believe two people can be right for each other, can be a good match, and can be happy, but perfection? Every couple argues right? Which is good as it ventilates emotions rather than holding them in, and yes they can overcome the issues being argued about... But in the Disney romances where Cinderella meets Prince Charming - He is perfection, but if you brought that to reality he would surely have some flaws, even if they were minor ones like leaving the toilet seat up. There is always bound to be something that people in relationships don't like about the other, an annoying trait or habit, something. But it's accepting that trait that makes them work, accepting that trait, that is love. 

I don't believe in 'perfect' relationships and I certainly don't believe in 'perfect' human beings. Everyone has a defect, no matter how small. That is what I believe. 

When my boyfriend turns to me, smiles and says "You're perfect" it makes me happy, but I don't believe it. I then tell him the same despite how I don't believe any one person can be perfection. That is because I love him, and when you love someone you don't notice their defects often you even grow to love them. I however notice my own. Everyone surely must have their 'off' days. The days where you look into the mirror and wonder what your boyfriend sees in you, the mornings you wake up and just want to fall right back to sleep again, the times you try so hard to get your hair to look just right, but it wont go how you want it. Everyone has those days. Often it is my boyfriend who brings me out of them, with his compliments and loving eyes. It's the days I don't see him that are the worst. 

As the saying goes "An artists biggest critic is himself" ... Well a persons biggest critic is themselves. I bet I could find a million more flaws in myself than you could, and I bet you could do the same with yourself. But it's not all about aesthetics, sure Prince Charming is only seen dating a Beautiful Princess is those fantasies, but how charming is he is he can't see past simple aesthetics? 

I once watched an interview with Taylor Swift on some TV programme and she was asked if she ever has those 'off' days and what she said stuck in my mind ... She compared our looks to getting new clothes, she said "When you buy a new outfit it suddenly becomes your favourite outfit and you want to wear it all the time, until you buy the next new thing and that becomes your favourite. Well with your looks you can't just change your face or physical appearance like you can your clothes. Your face is the thing you have owned the longest so it's no surprise it's the thing we like the least." ..Well it went something like that anyway. I think it is a very relate-able statement. But if everyone went around changing their faces every time they got bored of it then we would not be able to recognise who you were. Changing your face would be like changing your personality, who you are. It is who you are, the person underneath as well as the exterior which defines beauty. 

...Coming back to the main definition of 'perfect' ... in the first definition it says: "conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type" ... well who defines what is perfect in the first place? If it was not for their 'definition' we would not have people all over the world upset because the don't look as skinny as the models in Vogue for example. Who defines perfection? I say each to their own. Everyone has their own 'type' the kind of person they look for when dating, so everyone has their own definition of what perfection is because everyone defines it differently when looking for their 'perfect match'. As my step dad has always said to me, "for every hundred men who like skinny women, there are a hundred who like larger women, for every one hundred men who like blondes, there are a hundred who like brunettes, etc." 

If my boyfriend calls me perfect than that is because to him, I am beautiful, I am his 'type' and I am what he has been looking for. If I disagree and say that I am not perfect, then I am too busy comparing myself to other people. Comparing ones self to another is never a successful route to take. We need to learn to accept ourselves for who we are. 

Something I am going to learn to do is to look into the mirror and say "I am beautiful" and I want you all to do it too. No-ones opinion of you matters except your own. So what I have a birthmark on my eye, it makes me unique, so what you may not think I'm pretty, your opinion does not matter. 

Perfection is something you will believe in when you are in love, or when you have children. Only the people you love are perfection and that is that truth. When you love someone - in your eyes they are perfect. When you have a child, that child will be perfect. That is perfection, perfection is love.